Relationship Advice for Women: Be Careful of Comparing Your Mate to Others

When women begin to question a relationship, it changes the way we look at everything. We focus on the little or not so little things about our spouse that we find mildly irritating or downright maddening. And for good or bad we will make comparisons.

Over the life of a marriage we will inevitably find ourselves spending time with other men to whom we are attracted. Each day we are exposed to a variety of people; at work, at the playground, the grocery store, business trips, airports, etc. There will inevitably be people of the opposite sex that we find attractive around us. As our society continues to break down gender-based barriers to men and women’s freedom to choose how they live and work, we will increasingly find ourselves in such situations.

Now finding another person attractive shouldn’t be a problem. There will no doubt be any number of men we are attracted too that we interact with. It becomes a problem, however, when it leads us to question our current relationship, or when we decide to act on our new attraction.

• If we compare how our spouse looks at 6 a.m. with how our co-worker looks at 10 a.m.
  
• If we compare the conversation we had with an attractive classmate about the interesting subject were studying, with the conversation with our spouse after four hours of wrestling the kids to bed, doing the dishes, folding laundry, and picking up the family room.
• If we compare two hours of sitting in the sun with another parent watching soccer practice with two hours sitting around the kitchen table with our spouse, paying the bills and balancing the checkbook.
• If we compare the 21 year old who spends an two hours a day at the gym with the 40 year old who is out of shape but works two jobs to pay the bills.

These comparisons are not particularly fair to our mate, but we do it anyway. And the longer we’ve been married, the more we do these comparisons.

There are very good reasons to take a long, hard look at a marriage or relationship. It is healthy to do so. But we should not gloss over things about our relationship that we might want to change.

Comparing the mate with whom we’ve spent years with to someone else we might only see a few hours a week, doesn’t really tell us all that much. Most of the time, that attractive neighbor, co-worker, classmate, or whoever will bring just as much irritations or problems to a relationship as our current partner.

What we need to do is use our comparison-based critique to consider what we could make better about our marriage.

• Maybe we need to get all dressed up and go out on the town now and then.
• Maybe we need to talk about more than just the day-to-day household management.
• Maybe we need to balance the checkbook some other time and spend that end-of-the-day time cuddling on the couch.
• Maybe we need to head down to the gym together.

When our attraction goes from comparison to action, we are in even more trouble. Trying an extramarital affair, we will be unable to view either clearly. Love, especially new love, is really blind. We will not see the many faults in our new partner, that are inevitably there. Remember the old saying, the grass isn’t always greener.

Don’t worry all that much when you find yourself attracted to a person you’re not in a relationship with. Instead try falling back in love with your spouse before you fall in love with someone else.

If you want to learn proven methods to increase the happiness and satisfaction with your mate, I recommend reading Bob Grant’s new e-book; What Husband Can’t Resist

Also check out LoveandRelationshipSource.com